I have, for a while, been thinking of submitting a 'Why I am an Atheist' post to PZ Myers, as he seems to like that kind of thing. I would have explained that I have always been an annoying question asker. I would have talked about the time I got in trouble for asking "so you are telling me over 5000 people walked tens of miles to hear a man talk, and only one small child thought to bring a packed lunch" when I was eight years old. I would have mentioned the inconsistencies that flew into my mind every time the Anglican preacher, sorry, priest came to my junior school (this was every Friday). I would have even talked about the dalliance I had with Tarot and fortune telling, soon realising that I was cold reading through observation and did not need the cards to do this. Most importantly, I would have mentioned the time I was down, and tried in vain to describe the assault of woo and faith from all sides; once friends trying to convince me of their faith, leading to the cusp of belief and the path to fundamentalism. It was a period I surrounded myself with bibles and commentaries (which I still have and still read often), a time of my life I keep quite, almost nobody knows, when those telling me what I wanted to hear when I wanted to hear it almost broke through. Thankfully, an internal voice held me back, fought my way into the light of experiential thought and the real world I really live in.
Bizarrely, a much better, much more poetic version of this later tale exists. Today, I was listening to some fabulous cheese from my past. Some describe it as 'guilty pleasures' but I refuse. It was Nik Kershaw's 'Human Racing' album. An album sat firmly in my past thanks to repeat plays by my sister in the 80s. It is a better album than I remember. One song, however struck me. The song is called 'faces', and it explained my moment of near-living-death experience with the religious, perfectly. Here are the lyrics:
They found me lost in space, nowhere to go
With the stakes so high and my resistance so low
They said "follow us, follow us today
We are truth, we are the way."
"young man" they said "your search is through
You can trust in us, we'll look after you
We will be your body, we will be your mind
And we've a face of each and every kind
Yes we've a face of each and every kind"
"one for us and one for you
One for old and one for new
One for rich and one for poor
One for peace and one for war"
"there's no need for you to hear or see
We'll do your thinking for you, if you'll agree
So close your eyes and let yourself unwind
And you can leave the real world behind"
For a moment I was taken in
They were in my body, they were under my skin
Until I heard a voice crying "set me free"
And I realized that it was me
Yes I realized that it was me
Just when you really thing you're going places
They come inside of you with their many faces
One for us and one for you
One for old and one for new
One for rich and one for poor
One for peace and one for war."
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These lyrics say it better than I ever could. It is a dark song for a dark moment, but just the same, perfect for what I want to say.
I may yet submit a more detailed 'Why I am an Atheist' to PZ, followed by a personal series of 'Why I am...' consisting of '...Igtheist', '...Skeptic', '...Humanist', '...Secularist' '...Evidentialist', '...Philosopher', and '...Historian'. But for now, here is a taster, courtesy of Nik Kershaw and the 80's I grew up in.
I recomend finding the track online (Spotify or similar. No piracy now!) and enjoy!
Rich
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